Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
