I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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