Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
