your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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