Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
