He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
