After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
