i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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