i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
