I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
