i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx