hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?