He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.