Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in