Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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