Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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