this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
