Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
