i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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