You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
