Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
