how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
