just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
