Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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