It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
