Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
