It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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