Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
