where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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