so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
