that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Life is so much better after having sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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