Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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