when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
