my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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