im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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