I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Randomize
