It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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