I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
