i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
