First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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