Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
