I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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