Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
