the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
