You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
