Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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