I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
