Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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