I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
