someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
