Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
