Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
