Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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