We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
