Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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