The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
