I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
