your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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