note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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