Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
