You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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