They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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