Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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