i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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