My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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