my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
